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Breathing again…

December 21, 2012 By Wendy 11 Comments

For the past several months, I have been working on forgiving my husband. I made the decision to do this because I felt tired of being angry and resentful of my life and how things turned out. I was missing my happier self, and I felt like my angry and sad self was not good for me or for my kids.

I’d gotten to the point where there was nothing left that my husband could do anymore that he hadn’t already done. I feel like I’ve spent the last 4 ½ years of my life trying to make him hurt as much as he hurt me, and what I’ve learned from the “Take Your Life Back” seminar is that he can never feel what I feel, or hurt as much as I hurt, and that’s okay. It’s okay because I can see that he is a man that is sincere in his apology and his actions. He is truly remorseful for what he has done.

So with some guidance from Brian Bercht, and after attending the “Take Your Life Back” Seminar in Orlando, Florida, just last November, I learned how to do this. The letter he had written to me (see previous post), couldn’t have come at a better time. It only reinforced my decision that the timing was right.

I’m happy to report that on December 15, 2012, I forgave my husband. We got a babysitter for the kids, and then drove out to a private spot where I read him a letter I had written. The letter summarized my healing journey over the last 4 ½ years and where I am today. And at the end of the letter I stated that I was going to forgive him. I cried and my husband cried. We went out for a nice dinner and then after dinner we went home. I had written out all my resentments on pieces of paper, and in our backyard I burned them all. It was very therapeutic and symbolic. And although I have forgiven my husband, he says he doesn’t know if he will ever forgive himself.

It feels like the weight has been lifted and I can breathe again.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anger, burn, fire, forgiveness, resentment, sad, sadness, symbolic, therraputic

A Cheater’s Story

December 5, 2012 By Wendy 9 Comments

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the “Take your life back” seminar in Orlando, Florida. It was a seminar hosted by Brian & Anne Bercht, of Passionate Life Seminars. It was an amazing, life changing experience that I’ll never forget.

When I got home, my husband told me he had written something for me to post on my blog. This is what he wrote:

I’m A Cheater,

Growing up, this word didn’t really mean much to me. I cheated on tests at school, cheated in races and even cheated in golf with the odd kick or flubbed score. Sometimes I would get caught, most of the times not (so I think…). Then in 2008, everything changed….

I was married to my best friend, my confident, my rock Wendy. We never had any issues or major fights, we fit like a glove. But for some reason I pushed those thoughts and feelings aside, and had an affair.

I have always been a person that everyone likes, and I want everyone to like me. I will help people out whenever possible and even sometimes when it is not. I met the other women (OW), at the gym and we developed a friendship. Over time she started telling me her problems, and I would try and fix them or just listen and let her vent. We talked a lot, and it seemed that I was talking more to her than I was to my wife (I was working 2 jobs, 1 was at the gym). The OW gave me a gift after a few months; it was a gift cert. for a restaurant in the area. I told my wife about it, I didn’t want it, but felt that I should take her out of awkwardness since she wouldn’t take it back, I told Wendy and so it went. We trusted each other whole heartedly, and never would an affair be even a thought in our minds. That was the first time I moved part of my “do Not Cross” line over a bit. Over the next weeks and months, we would meet for coffee or have a quick bite while on my breaks. Then one day came a kiss, I don’t remember who kissed who or how it happened, but looking back I can see that my “Do Not Cross” line was no longer a line but a line with great hills on the other side from all the pushing. What was I doing?! What was I thinking?! It had to stop; I won’t tell Wendy and just bury this in the vault. And that is what happened, for a while…

Over the next bit, I found myself picking on Wendy, pointing out flaws (I use this term only to paint a picture) that I loved before, started arguments or just wouldn’t even really talk at all. I started working more which meant seeing the OW more and keeping me out of the house in the evenings. It seemed all my wife and I were talking about at home was paying bills, cleaning and what’s on TV next. When I would talk to the OW, she had problems! And better yet, she really wanted my help and solutions. She made me feel needed and wanted, and so the web was spun and the affair started.

I was 2 different people during that time. The first- husband, I would pretend everything was fine and I just had to work some days longer into the night than others. Second, the knight in shining armour, I would ride in and make the problems go away. I was able to turn my guilt off pretty easy after a while and somehow when I was in the moment I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong.

My wife and I started talking about having kids again, and after a bit of hesitation, I agreed, we always wanted kids. It was time to end it with the OW; this was not as easy as I thought. I tried to limit the time we would see each other, not return texts or phone calls until much later hoping she would think I was a jerk and dump me. Didn’t work… I would have to break-up with her myself (weird, as I was married, she knew it and she wasn’t my girlfriend). Didn’t work… Between the threats of telling my wife, (who was now expecting our child) saying she will change and suicide threats, I stayed longer than planned. In the end, our time was very limited together, as I was planning my next escape. She called me over to the house because she had something to tell me. I was nervously excited, thinking she had met someone and I was out. Instead, she told me she was pregnant. She had forgotten to take her pill for multiple days.

Telling my wife was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. All the guilt I had hidden away came crashing back into my heart as I heard my wife’s voice, how could I have done this, what was I thinking, why do I always do the stupidest things in life, why did I do this to Wendy! As I drove home talking to my wife on the phone, the OW was calling me non stop. I was telling my wife everything, and apologizing constantly. I will never forget the look on my wife’s face that day, it was sadness, disgust, anger and betrayal all in one, and I caused it. I vowed to honour and protect her, to love and respect her until death do us part, and this is what I did to her? What is wrong with me?! Rightfully so, I was kicked out of the house, quite literally actually. I went to stay at my parents, and another confession.

Over the next weeks, I worked hard to try and win Wendy back. Talking more than I ever have, answering everything she wanted to know about the affair. Over time we started seeing counsellors that Wendy found, Brian and Anne Bercht. I credit them for giving me the tools to work our way through this infidelity. My wife gets the most credit by far, she had the rug pulled out from her yet she managed to somehow stay on her feet. She has put countless hours into working on our marriage by reading books, joining and hosting chats and starting this blog. She is my hero, she has not forgiven me nor do I expect her to anytime soon or at all, but she has given us another chance. There are good days and bad days, but the good days are really outnumbering the bad ones the more we talk and the spend time with each other.

When I look back on the affair, I realize that I wasn’t 2 different people; I was only one – a selfish person who cared only about himself. I wish I could have realized that a long time ago.

These days, my wife is my best friend, my confidant, my rock and my lover. I will live with the knowledge that I hurt her more than anyone ever could. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it, but you know what, it doesn’t seem like work to me, it is just me loving my wife the way she deserves. Once a cheater always a cheater? I personally don’t think so.

To my wife – You are my hero; you are strong, confident and brave, yet gentle and vulnerable. You are an inspiration to me and role model for our kids, one that truly knows love, life and family. I love you forever and a day; you are amazing thanks for being you…

Forever yours

Needless to say, I was bawling before I even finished. I never asked him to write this, but it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.

To my husband, I love you more than you will ever know.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: affair recovery, cheater, forgiveness, liar, sorry

Beautiful Blogger Award

November 20, 2012 By Wendy 4 Comments

It was quite a surprise to find out the Melissa from God has a plan for All of us! nominated myself for the Beautiful Blogger Award. Very flattering indeed!

There are a few things I have to do in order to accept this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated myself: Thank you so much Melissa! Its nice to be appreciated.

2. Post award to my page: Done

3. Tell 7 facts about myself:

a) I love chocolate

b) For the last few months I’ve avoided blogging because my focus has been on my marriage right now and getting it to a place I want it to be

c) Although everyday is a struggle, its gotten much easier in the last 6 months

d) I’m coming to terms with the direction my life has taken, even though it was never what I asked for

e) I am more open to forgiveness

f) I value the support I have found through blogging

g) I am a much stronger person than I thought I was

Nominate 15 other bloggers that I believe deserve some recognition:

Rescuing My Marriage

Living inside the emotional tornado

Eat My Scabs

A Year After the Affair

Being a Beautiful Mess

If Happily Ever After Did Exist

Im In Love with a Serial Cheater

Forgiving for me

Not over it

Now I know that wasnt 15 bloggers…but this is the best I could do. There are lots of bloggers out there that deserve the recognition, but I mainly follow blogs that somehow relate to my own situation. And although, I haven’t listed to many of them, thats probably a good thing. I mean, the less people out there dealing with infidelity the better right?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: award, Bloggers, blogs, fellow bloggers, infidelity blogs

Something to make you feel a bit better…

August 15, 2012 By Wendy 5 Comments

A fellow betrayed spouse shared this with me and I thought it hit the nail on the head, so I wanted to share it with all of you:

After DDay, we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.
What’s is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you. You’re beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.

She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She’s accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: cheater, desperate, lier, low self-esteem, other woman, OW, trash

Lack of Perfection

July 18, 2012 By Wendy 18 Comments

For the last few weeks I’ve dug a hole and buried myself in it. It feels good. I’ve distanced myself from my husband and kids as much as possible and I’ve thought nothing about the affair. My husband asked me a few days ago if I was okay and if I wanted to talk. My answer was a flat out “No.” He said he was there if I needed him and he’s left me alone since. After 4 years, I’m just tired of thinking about, talking about and healing our marriage. I’m not giving up, just taking a break.

Pre-affair I thought our life was perfect. We were the couple that other couples wanted to be, and no one would have ever thought something like this would happen.

While in my hole this week I’ve been pretending my life is perfect again. I’ve been pretending I am married to the perfect man, and we live in the perfect house with our 2 perfect kids. In my pretend life my husband loves me the way couples love each other in the movies (because movies are reality in my pretend life). In this life, everything is bliss. We have no stress, no arguments, no anger, only love and happiness. Our marriage is completely affair proof.

And then when I open my eyes, reality smacks me hard in the face.

Since I woke up this morning I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve chosen this hole of all holes to be in right now. The only thing I can come up with is that this is just another pile of crap I’ve stepped in on the road to forgiveness. And although pre-affair I believed we were the ‘perfect’ couple, I’m just not quite ready to come out of my hole yet because that would mean letting go of the perfect life I thought I had.

photo by: Josh Angehr

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: perfect life, pre affair

I know My Worth

July 6, 2012 By Wendy 3 Comments

“What’s wrong with YOU?!”

This was one of the many questions going thru my mind after finding out about the affair.

Thoughts like, maybe I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough…etc, never crossed my mind.

I know my worth. And in those dark times, which happen less and less often, I’m pretty sure I’m worth more to him than he’s worth to me

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: confident, pretty, self esteem, self worth, self-love, skinny, smart, strong

Forum for the Betrayed

June 11, 2012 By Wendy Leave a Comment

Theres a new forum in town for betrayed spouses. It was created by http://ifhappyeverafterdidexist.wordpress.com/2012/06/05/i-have-an-exciting-announcement/ and you can find the forum at http://afterthebetrayal.com/ There is even an section for betrayed spouses dealing with an OC.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: forum, OC, other child, posts, support, topics

And sadness takes over…

June 11, 2012 By Wendy 8 Comments

I said to my hubby the other day; “I’m not so much angry anymore, I’m more sad that the OC exists.” I don’t hate the OC, I just hate what the OC represents.

Over the last few years, I’ve met some women in my situation that have fully accepted the OC as their own. They are able to look past everything and care for and love this child like they do with their own children. I am baffled by it. My husband and I do our best not to treat the OC differently from the other children when he is around. But in my eyes, he’s still is and forever will be a reminder of my husbands infidelity.

Let me paint a picture…I was always and still am a perfectionist and a control freak. I had pictured my life turning out a very specific way, and when it didn’t follow the path I wanted it to follow, it just threw my world upside down and for a long time I wasn’t sure how to function. Even now, I still struggle with the ‘imperfections” in my life. I am completely aware that I bare the weight of these ‘imperfections” on my own shoulders, when in fact they aren’t my failures, but my husbands. But for some reason I have a really difficult time separating it from me.

When other people find out about the affair and the OC, I am the one that feels embarrassed and ashamed. When we go out in public with the OC, I am the one that is worried someone who doesn’t know might see us.

My husband was completely understanding when he heard all of this, and said he thought I had already gone above and beyond what he would have expected when it came to the OC. And just by accepting the OC into my life was more than he could have asked for.

I like to think of this as just another bump on the journey towards healing and forgiveness. I think it’s a good thing that the anger has dissipated and now the ‘mourning’ period is here. I am mourning the life I used to have and used to dream of. And now hopefully all that’s left to come is acceptance of what is here now and complete forgiveness.

photo by: sosa

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anger, control freak, mourning, mourning period, other child, perfectionist, sad, sadness

Am I Selfish?

June 8, 2012 By Wendy 3 Comments

We see the OC at least 3-4 times a week. He lives less than 25 min away, and his daycare is actually about 5 min from our house. When he’s here everything is fine, the kids play, my husband is happy to spend time with him and everything is good.

But on the days when he is not here, I find I really value that time with my kids and husband even more. I enjoy the time when the OC is here as well, but I think his absence makes me really appreciate what is rightfully mine even more. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sometimes the OC being here just feels like having a houseguest that stays for awhile and then keeps coming back. He’s not my child, I don’t have that mother/child bond with him that I have with my kids and I don’t know if that will ever change. But does it really have to? I used to think so, and I put a lot of pressure on myself in the beginning to try to do this. But in the last year or so, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I might never truly love him that way. And I’m okay with that.

I’ve met women in my situation that have opened up their hearts and their homes to the OC and love them like they love their own children, and I admire these women. You ladies are the strongest people I know and I am so glad to have met all of you and if I had to go thru all this crap with anyone I’m glad it’s with all of you!

photo by: okreitz

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: bond, Family, family time, houseguest, other child, quality time, selfish

What about me?

May 25, 2012 By Wendy 5 Comments

I think in a situation like my own, outsiders tend to forget about the wife. As soon as there is any mention of another child being involved, all the attention immediately goes towards him/her. I remember that being the case for the first year after D-Day if someone happened to find out about the affair and OC.

I guess people tend to think that the other child will be neglected or forgotten somehow. Maybe in my situation they thought my husband would turn out to be a dead beat dad or something like that. These same people also seem to forget about the wife’s feelings after being betrayed and how she will handle having this other child in her life as well.

Allowing the OC into my life was not an easy step and took a very long time. I’ve found that outsiders tend to like to remind wives (life myself) that; “It’s not the child’s fault,” and “He’s the victim in this mess.” But what those people tend to forget is that, I am also the victim, and it’s not my fault this happened either. So why is it that a child, who in my case, wasn’t even born yet, and when he was born, was too young to know what was going on, should be put before me and my feelings? I know that sounds very selfish, but I’m not saying the OC doesn’t matter, of course he does. But wouldn’t it make more sense to work on myself and my marriage first before we drag another innocent victim into things? That’s exactly what we did and it worked for us.

I remember in the early days going into one of our first counselling sessions and telling Anne that I didn’t know what I was supposed to be working on first, the affair or accepting the OC. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to sort myself out. With her suggestion and guidance, we all agreed that our marriage had to come first if we were going to be able to invite the OC into our lives at some point. Through counselling we learned that our marriage had to come first above everything, and that as long as we were happy our children would be happy as well.

My husband chose to sacrifice his time with the OC in the very beginning of our healing process, but was never a dead beat dad. And now, the OC spends almost 50% of his time with us. What’s funny though is that even today, almost 4 years from D-Day, every now and then someone still asks a question in a very judgemental way, like; “How often do you see the OC?,” but no one ever asks me how I am doing.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: betrayed, dead beat dad, father, innocent, marriage, neglect, other child, victim, wife

The Truth Will Set You Free

May 15, 2012 By Wendy 6 Comments

One of the issues I’ve struggled with and still struggle with is opening up to family and friends about the whole affair/other child situation. Although I have a very public blog, very few of my friends or family know about it as of yet. And although both our immediate and some of our not so immediate friends and family know about the whole situation, there are still a lot of people that don’t. And let’s face it, if your not searching the internet for this specific issue, chances are you will never stumble upon my blog.

My husband and I did a personality assessment a couple years ago with Passionate Life Seminars. Based on my personality style I learned that some of the difficulties I have is that I can be too critical or finicky, that I can be overly sensitive to feedback, and that in times of stress I tend to withdraw. These are all so very true, and probably a large part of the reasons why I haven’t opened up to my entire world about what’s gone on. As I said, our close friends and family already know, but it’s the people we don’t see as often that are still clueless.

According to the assessment I am ‘driven to achieve goals.’ And like many other women out there, career aside, one of my goals was to fall in love, get married, have kids, and grow old with my spouse. Obviously the affair/other child were not on my list of goals, and so telling people almost feels like admitting failure. I know the failure is completely my husbands, and that I am the innocent party here, however, because it happened in my life, I have a really hard time separating it from me. So that’s why telling friends and family that don’t already know feels like a very scary thing. That’s also why I feel a strong need to stand up for my husband in those rare times when someone else has judged or criticised what he’s done. Oddly enough, in those rare cases, those people were not standing up for me (they barely knew me); they simply felt the need to stick their nose in our business and point a finger at my husband. A good friend once said to me that one of the fears we have when it comes to sharing our problems with our spouses to an outsider, is that the outsider will judge our spouse and their opinion of our spouse will forever be tainted by what we have told them.

Pre-affair, I’ll admit, I probably was one to judge. Post-affair, I’ve learned so much more about people and relationships that I told myself a long time ago that I would never judge anyone’s relationship again. I made a promise to myself that if a friend came to me with a relationship issue, I would not judge and only lend an ear to listen.

Part of the reason I started this blog was because I saw it as a ‘baby step’ towards being 100% open to everyone in my life about what’s happened in the last 4 years. My husband has said that when I decide to do something, and it could be completely out of the blue, I’ll just do it (kinda like the way I decided to start a blog). As a goal oriented person, I know that when the time is right, I will eventually make the decision to take that last step; I’m just not quite there yet…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: free, secret, sharing, truth

Character vs. Behavior?

May 10, 2012 By Wendy 4 Comments

It’s really easy when you’re the betrayed spouse to hold the affair over the cheating spouses head forever. Every argument or disagreement or even something that reminds you of the affair can turn into a much bigger attack against the cheating spouse. I think anyone that’s been in the situation can relate and knows exactly what I mean.

I’d say for the first couple of years I did this a lot. And the reality is whatever excuse or comeback the cheating spouse has, the betrayed spouse can always top. So for the first couple of years, every fight or argument that came up, I won. And my spouse left feeling defeated and most likely a bit frustrated. I walked around like the bigger and better person in my home, I was always right and he was always wrong. His choices made him less smart, unreliable, untrustworthy and basically insignificant as a man. Before the affair, we were equal partners in our marriage, after the affair, I was the more superior being.

It took a very long time and I don’t remember what changed, but at some point I started to realize that if I wanted our marriage to work, I had to change my thinking. I had to accept that although the affair had occurred, I still loved my husband; it wasn’t like I could just turn off that switch after finding out about the affair. Pre and post-affair, my husband was still a good father and provider, none of that changed either. Slowly I started to understand that my husband was still the same man I knew and married. His character hadn’t changed; it was only his behaviour during the time of the affair that had changed. If I wanted things to get better I had to learn to separate his character from his behaviour. This didn’t happen overnight at all, it was a long slow process and it’s still a work in progress, but it’s gotten much better.

I know that there are some angry betrayed spouses that would probably disagree with me. I know that the argument is that ones behaviour is linked to their character, and you can’t separate the two, but like I said above, it was the little things that I started noticing that made me change my thinking.

In my past posts I’ve referred to the affair as a ‘mistake,’ for lack of a better term. But I know it is much more than just a ‘mistake.’ It’s the worst thing that can happen in a marriage, and the long term effects can be devastating. But awhile ago I decided that ‘devastating’ wasn’t what I wanted, so this is the path I’ve chosen, and from what I’ve seen so far, it seems to be working for me!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: behavior, character, mistake

Infidelity in Cartoon

April 30, 2012 By Wendy 3 Comments

Every now and then I surf the net for some infidelity related material to enlighten me. I came across a blog called Soul Mate Shmoopies and couldn’t stop laughing at the videos this blogger has created about infidelity.

I found this one particularily funny and worth watching especially if you can relate to infidelity.

WH and OW: Our Love is Real

Enjoy!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: infidelity cartoons, soul mate schmoopies

Consider Yourself Lucky

April 26, 2012 By Wendy 6 Comments

The other day my husband said to me; “I feel very alone.”

Alone? You? What? You cheated on me remember? You were never alone, when you weren’t with me you were with her, at what point were you alone? And I’m still here! Your still not alone! These were just some of my first thoughts.

He continued on to say; “I could use a little support with Grayer.”

I guess I’ve always taken a back seat when it comes to parenting the other child. I mean, he’s treated the same as the other children when he’s here, but when it comes to making any kind of decisions about him, I pretty much stay out of it. In this case, my husband was referring to whether or not Grayer was well enough to go to daycare that day. He had had the flu previously and was just getting over it. My response was “Sure why not.” But I guess the hubby felt my answer lacked that “Mommy knows best” feeling. Most likely because I’m NOT his mommy!

I can sense at times my husband probably does feel alone and like a single parent when it comes to the other child. I’m here to help in the present but when I comes to making any concrete decisions about the other child, my reply is usually along the lines of “sure why not” or “up to you.”

I can pretty much equate my attitude to suddenly trying to be a parent to someone else’s kid. It’s weird and feels strange. I guess part of it also stems from me trying to protect myself. I have flash forwards of Grayer as a teenager yelling “Your not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!”…etc. Which I agree is completely true, and I wouldn’t blame him if he did say that to me one day. That being said, I know step-moms that would disagree with this and say they have a completely loving relationship with their step-child(ren). However, how the other child behaves will most likely be dependant on his mother’s attitude towards the situation. And in our case, she is still determined to keep the affair a secret. How she plans on explaining this to the other child is beyond me. Unless the other child grows up to be an idiot that can’t do simple math her secret is bound to get out.

So I guess my hubby is justified in his feelings of being alone when it comes to parenting the other child. Maybe as time goes on I’ll grow closer to the other child and that might change, but for now, that’s pretty much how I have chosen to handle the situation, and I think that’s the best he can expect from me at the moment.

photo by: Beverly & Pack

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: alone, bastard, lonely, single dad, single parent, step mom, step parent

Thanks for the support

April 26, 2012 By Wendy Leave a Comment

Since I started this blog, I’ve had the privilege of meeting others dealing with infidelity and some that are not in the same situation but just want to offer some support.

A couple weeks ago, Caitlin from Southern Stay-at-Home Mom asked me to write up a guest post on her blog. Like me, she wanted to help spread the word that there is hope for the betrayed.

Thanks for your support Caitlin!

You can read my post at http://www.southernsahm.com/d-day/.