For just over a week now it’s just been the 4 of us (Warren, myself and our 2 kids). Grayer has been on vacation and won’t be back until the end of the week.  I have to say it has been nice just having the 4 of us around. The house is much quieter and its been great not having to break up any fights between the 2 toddlers, or worrying about one toddler waking up another toddler in the middle of the night or during naps.

As part of our healing journey, it has been important to me to have my own quality time with my family.  I am not in any way saying that Grayer is not part of our family, he is, but he’s more of an extension of our family. And for the last while, we haven’t had much quality family time, so this week and a half so far has been a nice change (and its given us an opportunity to see what life with only 2 kids is like! – definitely easier than 3).

I find when I don’t get enough quality time from my husband or with ‘my’ family things start to get a bit rough at home. There’s always a bit of tension brewing and Warren can always sense this. If you’ve ever read the book “The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate” by Gary Chapman, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. One of my love languages is ‘quality time,’ and when I’m lacking in that, our home is not a happy one.  This can be tough on Warren though, because aside from working full time, he has to balance his time with Grayer and with us. Needless to say he’s pretty exhausted most days, and doesn’t get a lot of time to himself anymore. I’m sure some might be thinking that that’s the price you pay when you cheat on your wife and have another child. Believe me, in the beginning I reminded him of this ALWAYS. But after awhile, you start to see that getting in those little jabs doesn’t really get you anywhere, and that type of thinking, only fuels more anger, when what you hopefully want to focus on is getting over the anger and moving forward. I’m not at all saying I don’t have my bad days, but letting the anger in is like never letting go and that would be a terrible way to live. I know people that are still angry at their ex’s for cheating, even though they haven’t been together for years.

I’ve come across some other sites about affairs and it seems a lot of anger is directed at the “other woman/man”, and believe me, in the beginning a lot of my frustration was directed at her and, I’ll admit, at times I still do like to make fun (see my previous post “More details please”) and I probably always will to some degree, but somewhere along the way, I got to the point where thinking about her, felt like I was wasting my time, because in reality she just isn’t worth my time.