Something to make you feel a bit better…

A fellow betrayed spouse shared this with me and I thought it hit the nail on the head, so I wanted to share it with all of you:

After DDay, we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.
What’s is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you. You’re beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.

She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She’s accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.


  1. mb says:

    Wow! I would have never looked at it that way. I do feel better :)

  2. I have to say this sounds correct. The two OW that I deal with are needy and weak and have no self esteem. They have, before and after my WH, had numerous men. They always seem to be attaching themselves to whatever comes along next. Crawling around getting the scraps of life, how sad.

  3. Hello,
    this is Luca from Italu, a beautiful, faithful, and strong husband and the father of two beloved children. A betrayed husband. I had a really hard times, and more to comes trying to saving the marriage. But the day I saw the other man… Oh what a relief! I come back to my wife with a smile so large and deep. She asked me: “did you take drugs? Why do you smile?” I reply: “Seriously, you had a six months affair with that opportunistic and weak man?”. She’s got so angry and I couldn’t stop smiling. My ego was safe for sure.
    – I’ve been accused of being judgmental and demanding. I wasn’t judgmental and demanding before the marriage, my wife was. I think I just match her style. I think at the end (of 11 years) she lost at her own game. I was my mistake to follow her on her wrong path, and my new self returned soon way less judgmental and demanding, and way way less exposed to her judgment and demands. I think she lived a “split-self affair”. I think I read that just 11% of couples involved in infidelity can back together for a long run. I ‘m really working hard to restore the family. That’s so painful. But I am strong. I’m happy to found your website.

    • Wendy says:

      Hi Luca, glad you found me. Good for you being the stronger one. Its hard to see the unfaithful spouse for what he/she is…which is weak. It takes alot of courage for an unhappy spouse to step forward and say they are not happy in the marriage and want to fix it. Its a cowards way to look for something outside of the marriage, especially when (in my case), the unfaithful spouse has no intentions of ever leaving his/her spouse.
      I hope your wife realizes what she did and the pain it cause you, and she spends the rest of her life making up for it.

  4. Scabs says:

    and this is why I can’t be angry or blame the other women Mr Scabs was with. the blame lies solely on his shoulders. I have such a tender place in my heart for these abused women. How terrible it must be to be them.

    Thanks for the insight.

    • Glsspice says:

      Scabs: I am having a hard time because the OW was a friend of mine for five years. I have not only been betrayed by my husband but my “friend”. Our families did stuff together…took trips, went to eat, etc. She has been married for over 20 years and I have been married for 26. I am completely broken and I do blame her as much as I do him. He has moved out, said he has feelings for her and is no longer “in love” with me. Famous words “in love”. I see a lot of people trying to work through it and save their marriage but you cant do that if the CH has no desire. So I guess its divorce for me at 47 with no job because I am a stay at home mom. Lost and lonely……

  5. Julie says:

    This is my first time here. Thanks so much for your insight. My husband slept with a total of two prostitutes a reported total of 5 times. I have been thankful that there was not an emotional affair occurring, but I still obviously had the feelings of worthlessness and questioning who I am. These women, no matter how sad their stories may be, are obviously at the bottom half in society and your words help me feel better about myself. Thanks!!!

    • Wendy says:

      Glad to be of help. Its a difficult thing to go thru. I find I have to work at it each and every day.

  6. Sheesh, I was married to the OW described above and endured serial cheating.

    • Wendy says:

      Sorry to hear that. I took a look at your blog. Good for you. I dont write much in my blog anymore, but initially I found it helpful in my healing process. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.

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