Over the last few years, I’ve met some women in my situation that have fully accepted the OC as their own. They are able to look past everything and care for and love this child like they do with their own children. I am baffled by it. My husband and I do our best not to treat the OC differently from the other children when he is around. But in my eyes, he’s still is and forever will be a reminder of my husbands infidelity.
Let me paint a picture…I was always and still am a perfectionist and a control freak. I had pictured my life turning out a very specific way, and when it didn’t follow the path I wanted it to follow, it just threw my world upside down and for a long time I wasn’t sure how to function. Even now, I still struggle with the ‘imperfections” in my life. I am completely aware that I bare the weight of these ‘imperfections” on my own shoulders, when in fact they aren’t my failures, but my husbands. But for some reason I have a really difficult time separating it from me.
When other people find out about the affair and the OC, I am the one that feels embarrassed and ashamed. When we go out in public with the OC, I am the one that is worried someone who doesn’t know might see us.
My husband was completely understanding when he heard all of this, and said he thought I had already gone above and beyond what he would have expected when it came to the OC. And just by accepting the OC into my life was more than he could have asked for.
I like to think of this as just another bump on the journey towards healing and forgiveness. I think it’s a good thing that the anger has dissipated and now the ‘mourning’ period is here. I am mourning the life I used to have and used to dream of. And now hopefully all that’s left to come is acceptance of what is here now and complete forgiveness.